we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
