You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
