Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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