Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
