Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
