The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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