i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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