just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
