Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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