you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
