i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
