Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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