he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
