Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
