I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
