I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
home. puking in laundry basket.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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