I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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