is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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