I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
