You're my little dorito
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
