I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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