So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
