she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
