How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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