I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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