I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
