I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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