Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
