We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And my parents said I crawled through the house
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
