i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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