So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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