She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
