I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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