i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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