I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
