Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
