I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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