it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
