if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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