You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
