i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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