I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think my moral compass just broke
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
