Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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