I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
