no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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