In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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