Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
