Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
