She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
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When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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