Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
