Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
