Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
