It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
