I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
