I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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