So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
