i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
