I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
