You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
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If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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