Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize