I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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