So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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