Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
