yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
