I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
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"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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