i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
