Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize