Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
